what are your thoughts on, Keeping Sabbath?

     There is a concept in many religious/spiritual circles of "sacred time" or Sabbath. For as long as humans have  practiced spirituality or observed religion "sacred time" has played a central and integral part to these activities. Sacred time enables practitioners to pause their daily or weekly routine and participate in rituals meaningful to the individual or group.
     When we are able to pause our daily activity what happens? In the pause, we are interrupting a flow of thought  or activity or intention. In the pause, the physical movement of our body becomes purposeful and less automatic. In the pause of sacred time or Sabbath, it is no longer about what we are DO-ing but how we are BE-ing. Sabbath or sacred time encourages us to breathe, to emote, to hear, to see, to tactily engage the physical space we are occupying right now. BE-ing in sacred time, slows down the frenzy of daily tasks and obligations and objectives we convinces ourselves and each other are necessary for life.
    Sacred time and Sabbath keeping encourages me to stay in the flow of life with its daily struggles and unexpected challenges for myself and my loved ones. Sabbath keeping helps me to maintain an emotional, mental, spiritual, and physical equilibrium so that I have the opportunity to be my authentic self even in the hardest or most mundane or most trying times of life.
   

Thoughts on a Christmas morning breakfast 2017

December 25 2017

I awoke that Monday morning with the knowledge that my family, meaning the Smithville Paffords, were sleeping close by and would in a matter of minutes gather together to begin our holiday celebration. As anticipated, we were exchanging gifts and enjoying one another's company a short time later. As the celebration progressed, Beth and I began preparations for Christmas Breakfast.            Every year, once our immediate family has exchanged presents, we break our nighttime fast around a big and ample spread of scrambled eggs, biscuits, bacon and sausage, and hashbrown casserole.        Along with the food, we share conversations and predictions of how the rest of the day will unfold as we journey out beyond our home to drop in on extended family. 
    Serving Christmas Breakfast has been a tradition for us from the very first years we have been a family. At this point, I feel I need to back-track a moment because I have left out a singular and unique fellow participant to our observance of this holiday. A decade ago, in 2007, we invited a  guest to share in our meal. We would come to embrace this guest as a member of the Smithville Paffords. The guest I am referring to was Mr. Jerry L. Winfrey, a retired Dekalb County School Teacher.
     Over the next decade, Christmas Breakfast would never be the same as our holiday tradition unfolded and we added another space around our table for our neighbor and beloved curmudgeon, Jerry L. Winfrey. these thoughts came to me today when I learned from Beth that Jerry had died at home in the past few hours.
     Our family continues to grow with new dear ones we welcome at our table year round. But our hearts will be a little sad next holiday. W e will hold a spot and a plate for Mr. Jerry. 

Inspiration from the Life of..

Pir-o-Murshid Hazrat Inayat Khan

In December of 2005, in the midst of a spiritual crisis, I made a phone call to a private residence on the west side of Knoxville, TN. At the time I was serving two small churches in the United Methodist Tennessee Conference. That phone call benchmarks my introduction to the Sufi Order International and encounter with the teaching and life of Pir-o-Murshid Hazrat Inayat Khan. Since that time Inayat Khan, as teacher and companion, has given me inspiration and a spiritual vessel in which to hold and expand my spiritual practice and religious ritual and healing work with others.

On the fifth of July 1882 Inayat Khan was born into a family of renowned Indian musicians from Baroda, India. Inayat Khan’s father, Rahmet Khan, was also an accomplished musician and dhrupad singer. Many musicians, poets, and philosophers both Muslim and Hindu met in Khan’s house. In this atmosphere Inayat Khan’s childhood and early youth was inspired, universal, and open to all beyond distinctions and differences. Thus from the beginning he was open to all religions. (“The Inner Life”, Foreword PG vii)

The Universal aspect of Inayat Khan’s teaching has been the model of religious dialogue I have sought to practice in my work as a chaplain and spiritual companion. Applying this universality I have worked to meet all people on their own terms. I strive to relay outwardly my respect for their traditions and beliefs seeking all the while to hold sacred space and time. Inayat Khan’s life and teachings have served as a guide and ideal for me in those situations where the people I serve hold spiritual beliefs and religious practices different from my own.

In my studies of Inayat Khan’s life and spiritual path I have discovered a period in Murshid’s life of tremendous challenge and difficulty. Sometime around his fourteenth year Inayat Khan endured the deaths of three significant figures in his young life, a beloved grandfather, his mother, and his spiritual teacher and mentor. As a result of these losses and the emotional strain over a short period- Inayat resigned his post as the court musician and singer for the nazim in the Maharaj of Hyderabad. “More and more clearly he began to feel an inner call that had been expressed by his mentor, Murshid Abu Hashim Madani inspiring him to go to the West and bring a message of Sufism, harmonizing East and West with his music.” (The Inner Life, Foreword PG ix)

These events coupled with this emerging “inner call” inspired Inayat Khan to actively teach and communicate the Sufi principles and practices, which under girded his gift of music. Traveling over three continents he shared his learnings and music in the West. As he traveled he discovered a hunger among his audience for these teachings and practices that revealed themselves in his music and singing. In reflection on this experience, Inayat Khan writes, “To serve God one must sacrifice the dearest thing, and I sacrificed my music, the dearest thing to me. Now if I do anything, it is to tune souls instead of instruments, to harmonize people instead of notes. I played the Vena until my heart turned into the same instrument. Then I offered this instrument to the divine Musician, the only musician existing. Since then I have become his flute, and when he chooses He plays His music.” (The Inner Life, Foreword PG xi)

This early confession of Inayat Khan articulates the complete focus of his life’s work and teaching. A big part of his work in the west included the establishment of “summer schools” and “learning centers” where participants were introduced to his music and the simple teachings and practices encompassing the Message.

Having journeyed through the west including, America, Great Britain, and France spreading the Sufi message of Love, Harmony, and Beauty offering new learnings and healing- Murshid returned to India to recuperate and rest. Murshid died unexpectedly on the fifth of February 1927 at the age of 44.

Mitakuye Oyasin, "We are all related."

     A box was delivered to my back porch not too long ago which- upon opening- was found to be full of books. I discovered that my mom had passed on to me her library of Native American history and literature that she has accumulated over the years. One book in particular drew my attention, Mitakuye Oyasin by Ehanamani (Dr. A.C. Ross). Ehanamani has compiled an in depth survey of Native American Oral history citing more than 30 tribal sources and their teachings and philosophy. The common thread which unites these tribal sources is characterized in the phrase, mitakuye oyasin - "We are all related".
     As I read Ehanamani's work I am drawn to reflect on the implications of a life lived with mitakuye oyasin  as a guiding principle. What would be different in my life as I encountered, my neighbors, my enemies, the stranger, my co-workers and supervisors? Holding relational ties  with my neighbor would I continue to have an insulating and distant exchange, waving absent minded, as I hop in my car or retreat into my house? Or upon seeing my neighbor would I engage them briefly demonstrating my interest and concern for their well-being? Communicating the value I celebrate in my neighbor with love, giving thanks for them as a child of the Beloved and member of my family. Holding relational ties with my enemies would I continue to cultivate and nurse resentments and retaliation for perceived or "real" wrongs? Or would I respond with compassion and forgiveness recognizing that each and everyone of us have from time to time said or done hurtful things to another. Would I be able to respond with the depth of clear vision seeing in my enemy- my sister and brother- choosing the bond of kinship over the schism of hatred and suspicion? Holding up relational ties to the strangers I encounter would I casually look away or refuse to hear or refuse to act because they are not like me? Or might I offer to them all that I am able to without expectation or condition- inviting them to my table to be refreshed and renewed? Would I be courageous enough to come to aid the stranger who is also my mother, father, and child? Holding relational ties with my co-workers and supervisors would I give them  of my talent and experience only the bare minimum, holding at bay those gifts which may strengthen and enrich teamwork? Or would I be thankful that I am a part of a larger family with shared goals and common hopes for the work we carry?
     Mitakuye Oyasin claims we are related- no exceptions. As a guiding principle I choose, mitakuye oyasin- May this truth find root in my life and in the lives of all my Family- You are all Loved!

A Reply to "Bowl of Saki"

By loving, forgiving, and serving, it is possible for your whole life to become one single vision of the sublime beauty of God.

Bowl of Saki, October 16, by Murshid Hazrat Inayat Khan

     Murshid teaches about loving, forgiving, and serving. As we live each day we navigate through a series of "engagements" some positive, challenging, and expected. Some of these "engagements" are quiet unexpected, frightening, aggravating, and negative. As we navigate these waters-We add on expectations about our interactions with others, our success in life, family, and career. In the midst of this reality we search for meaning, fairness, and hope.
     Witnessing this reality, about human nature, Murshid sought to model and teach the Way of the heart. This was not a "new" way but it was a way of living and relating that is easily forgotten.For Murshid the only way to navigate the known and unknown waters of daily life was to live fully the practices of loving, forgiving, and serving.
     (more on Loving, Forgiving, Serving to follow)

The Law of Reciprocity

Murshid Inayat Khan and his son Pir Vilayat Inayat Khan- through living and teaching the Sufi message-   
     authored 10 Sufi thoughts. Murshid taught, "There are 10 principle Sufi thoughts, which comprise all the
     important subjects with which the inner life of man is concerned."
One of the 10 thoughts states, "There is One Law, the law of reciprocity, which can be observed by
     a selfless conscience, together with a sense of awakened justice."
The law of reciprocity describes how two individuals, groups even countries may respond in relationship.
     To the point- Reciprocity is, "a mutual exchange to give, do, feel (something similar) in return". We
      initiate and participate in mutual exchanges everyday. As we walk down the street we may greet or wave
      to a familiar face. And often a mutual exchange is shared between the two in the form of a returned wave
      or friendly embrace or blessing. These are examples of positive mutual exchanges.
      On the other hand we may be driving in rush hour traffic or find ourselves queuing at a slow register at the
      supermarket. If we encounter an agressive and rude driver the mutual exchange involves rude gestures
      or reckless behavior. In the supermarket queue this mutual exchange might involve impatience leading
      to harsh words or accusations being exchanged. It is fair to say that these are obvious even simple
      observations. The point is that all encounters we have everyday- often throughout the day -will be
      either positive or negative mutual exchanges. What determines the negative or positive character of
      these exchanges? We have the capacity and the opportunity to ensure positive mutual exchanges through
      out our day. This is true even if the genesis of a mutual encounter is negative.
Murshid points first to the necessity of one to possess a Selfless Conscience for positive mutual exchanges
     to be possible. Selfless may be understood as, "behaving without regard for one's own interest;
     unselfish". Conscience could suggest, "a knowledge or feeling of right and wrong". Taken together
     a Selfless Conscience  is -a conscience turned "outward" -or an unselfish knowledge or feeling of right
     and wrong. However, a Selfless Conscience alone may not be sufficient to turn all mutual exchanges to
     positive. A Selfless Conscience must work together with a sense of Awakened Justice. Awakened
    Justice implies that too often our sense of rightfullness, fairness, and correctness is latent or asleep in
    everyday mutual exchanges leaving the door closed to positive or enriching exchanges. Therefore
    Awakened Justice along side the Selfless Conscious sees one fully engaged and actively pursuing fairness,
    correctness and rightness that is mutual in character and outcome.
We have the opportunity to apply this law everyday in our minute by minute conversations or encounters with
     our neighbors and co-workers, friends and  loved ones. May the Law of Reciprocity be observed by a selfless conscience, together with a sense of awakened justice in all our encounters everyday!

Salaam

Time on my hands

I am kneeling with my spine straight and legs in a half lotus position, breathing in and out, deep even breaths. Time is a gift and a mystery as I release my thoughts and give my Self to my heart center. In this center- in the core of my being- I meet my Ideal my Divine Beloved. Sitting in the presence of my Beloved I have time on my hands. Time is a gift and a mystery as the light and essence of the Beloved penetrates my Self and transforms my being. Time is a gift and a mystery as I commune with my Beloved. Deep within my heart center I am known and I KNOW the Light and Essence of my Beloved. I have time on my hands breathing in and breathing out deep even breaths. I am kneeling in a half lotus position with my spine straight. I have time on my hands to live and to act and to give to others. What gift can I offer ? What mystery do I reveal? The Light and Essence of my Beloved.

Part 1, An Atheist Spirituality, A Chaplain's Interpretation.

     I have had the opportunity to reflect on the roles of various disciplines that make the hospice team. A Hospice team includes Nurses ( registered and LPN), Certified Nurses Assistant, Health Aides, Volunteer Coordinator, Social Worker, Physician, and Chaplain. Specifically,  I want to demonstrate how these disciplines are unique and yet compliment and under gird the overall care of patients and their loved ones. Simply stated the hospice philosophy seeks to provide the widesest scope of care for each patient.
     To achieve this aim it is helpful for the team to experience each patient Holistically; As an Integrated being made up of a physical body, a mind(sometimes sub-divided to include an emotional center or heart center) and a spirit. Every member of the Hospice team is uniquely equipped and trained to address the whole person of each patient. If this is true each member must be able to communicate and guide the whole team through rudimentary points of their individual disciplines as the team interprets a patients needs or concerns.
     My reflections move now to my own discipline. In particular how I might begin to equip members of the larger team to meet spiritual concerns or needs as they may manifest themselves....

A Kindled Word: Smudging and Blessing with Hospice patients

A Kindled Word: Smudging and Blessing with Hospice patients

Smudging and Blessing with Hospice patients

Smudging and blessing ceremonies and rituals have played a central role in humanity's desire to communicate with the Divine. The desire to enter into the presence of the Holy has led Creations children to lessen the distance or remove the veils that blind them from real communion with the One. Many cultures and people mirror this desire and aim in their holy rituals and prayers particularly- Smudging and Blessing.
Through the practice of Smudging, incense serves as a conduit for all our senses to engage in prayer to the One.
In the practice of blessing smoke and/or oil is given as an offering to the Divine to express our desire or need or thanksgiving that words cannot express. In Smudging, smoke is a cleansing agent that removes negative thoughts and energy that may hinder ones communication with the Holy.
In my work as a hospice chaplain the desire for cleansing, communion with the Holy, and blessing is often expressed in patients and their family members. I have had the opportunity to participate in and lead
Smudging and blessing ceremonies with patients who were familiar with these unique containers of Divine communion. In all these instances they have served to affirm for me the Unity of the Divine Beloved and my opportunity to serve as a living conduit and vehicle for the Truth.

A Review of Soul Making. by Alan Jones

Soul Making The Desert Way of Spirituality


Israfel Mark Pafford January 2010
What were the key ideas in the book?

Alan Jones comments on the concept of "atheism" at several points in his survey of the desert "way of spirituality". Beginning in his introduction on pages 8 and 9 Jones states, "I am searching for a combination of Cupitts Hyperborean faith and Rahners way of believing...and Simone Weil reminds us that 'there are two atheisms of which one is a purification of the notion of God." Jones continues, stating that he most identifies with the application of atheism as a purification of the notion of God.
Alan Jones begins by laying out "two alien ways of believing" which he has encoutered in his life before his journey to Egypt. At the heart of these two ways there is only vindictiveness and the insistent or necessary (for proclaiming ones authentic faith) repetition of repeated formula. Jones then explores alternatives to these unsatisfactory ways of believing in the first section of his book. Jones names psychoanalysis and "the way of the desert" as solutions to these unsatisfactory ways of believing. Jones explores further the parallels and partnerships between these two as they stand in opposition to the vindictiveness, perfectionism and ambition so often demonstrated in those "two alien ways of believing" On page 42 Jones states, "The goal of psychoanalysis, like that of spiritual formation, is to aid in the integration of the emotional with the intellectual life..a marriage of mind and heart which in turn leads to fullness of soul" I see Jones quote on page 52 as the central idea of this particular writing. Jones says, "As a believer I place all that psychoanalysis has to teach me in the context of the desert tradition

What ideas, concepts were of particular interest to you? Where was your energy the highest? What excited you?
Alan Jones' conversation and reflections on the image of death in chapter 3 was of particular interest to me. Beginning with his statement on page 61 he comments on the "prelude" to death saying, "Silence and a feeling of deadness seem to go together. To be utterly silent can feel like death.And silence is important..." Why does this particular quote stand out for me? I was reminded of my time serving as a congregational minister in my second appointment. My crisis of faith - a period of silence and deadness- was the catalyst for my discovery of a Divine Beloved and my journey back to faith.

IV. How will I use this information in my own personal spiritual life, and in spiritual direction/guidance with others?
I feel inspired to return often to the portion of Alan Jones book which discusses the role of death and tears in Soul-making. As a hospice chaplain I walk through a desert solitude with my patients and sometimes their families too. In a recent conversation with a family considering hospice care for their loved one I recall two comments made by the patients spouse at different times in the conversation "I can't get past feeling like I am giving up." and " I can't help but feel like I'm killing her if we don't opt for feeding tubes." This particular family consists of a husband and wife with a young adult child. This spouse has cared for his wife (who was diagnosed with Huntingtons disease) for six years. Up until the last four months this spouse worked full-time and raised their child through middle school and high school. In recent months he was laid off from work. And he says he feels like he is giving up by seeking help from Hopice. As I talked with this family it struck me that they had been balancing at the top of a thirty foot pole for the past six years(page 75) As their chaplain my task was to convince them in order to get out of this dilemma the best thing to do would be to step off in the abyss. Otherwise it was only going to get rougher and more lonely up there on that thirty foot pole.

The worst and weakest advice I have ever heard

I must make a confession Beth forced me to watch Fox news this past sunday morning! No not really she had been watching and got up to leave not bothering to change the channel. Anyway I am walking through the den and notice on the TV several political talking heads sitting at a table reviewing events both popluar and political from the past week. The camera pans over to one talking head in particular- Brit Hume. Brit is commenting on the particular topic for this segment, Tiger Woods. Specifically what can Tiger do to make ammends, Say I am sorry- Repair his image - What Ever. Brit then gives the worst and weakest advice I have ever heard,

Well ah I am not certain what religious affiliation Tiger is I have heard he might be Buddhist. If that is the case then he should convert to Christianity There are no provisions in the Buddhist faith for forgiveness and so thats what he should do - convert to Christianity and ask Gods forgiveness.

 What kind of rubbish is that! Dear misinformed Westocentric former journalist talking head Mr Hume- You need a refresher course in eastern religions 101 -Forgiveness and the practice of forgiveness are one of the central practices of Buddhism. Anyway I should have known better than to be watching TV on Sunday morning  for goodness sake.

Celebration and Remembrance

I have spent this day in reflection for the families who have lost their loved ones in recent days. Part of my homily during this most recent memorial spoke about the breath and its sustaining properties in our life. breathing in and out feeling our breathe carry throughout our body. I had in mind the breathe work that many of my Sufi practices utilize in meditation. I encouraged family and congregation to be mindful of their breathe as the creative and vital expression of the Divine Beloved in our everyday life. I will have this family in my thoughts and rflections in the coming days. I fear bereavement will be difficult for this blended family as it involves two different households. I am thankful for my work as a Healing Conductor and my mentors in Sufi studies and practices. I am depending on my studies as a student of Sufism to continue to guide my work with these dear ones.

Welcome in 2010

I have not written for too long a long a time so here goes- It is January 3rd early evening and Beth and the kids are enjoying the last few hours of holiday break before jumping back into their routine tommorrow. Our break has been good with time spent with extended family extra time together playing games, watching movies and going on dates with Beth. This past week has been particulary difficult, on top of getting the news of my sisters divorce from her husband of 17yrs. three of my former parishioners died this past week one was a matriarch to her family, the other a middle-aged father and the final death was the accidental death of a nineteen yearold son to very dear friends of ours. I have been directly involved in the memorial services to two of these and one more service coming up on Tuesday. My goodness the holidays can be so stressful.
I am thankful that my family is together this year and That I am able to continue doing chaplain work so close to home instead of moving to Nebraska.

Namasta and  salaam alakum every one!

What is religion?

I come to the observance or practice of religion as a chaplain/minister and as a student(mureed). I have found that as a chaplain/minister, religion can often take the form of a collection of formal practices and teachings. These practices and teachings are additionally referred to as doctrine and disciplines. In the role of minister/ chaplain I may create opportunities for others to learn or embody these teachings and practices in the context of worship, study and work.
As a student(mureed) a definition of religion might reflect the teachings and practices presented through those opportunities mentioned above- worship, study, and work. As I consider the impact of work, study and worship on ones Divine Ideal I have found religion alone (a collection of teachings and practices) only allows a limited experience of the Holy.
As a student and chaplain the practice of a religion has the opportunity to cultivate a deeper communion with the Divine. This deeper communion I have experienced- has been identified as Spirituality.
In observing ones religion- spirituality can be experienced as a natural fruit of ones worship, study, and work. In my experience religion and spirituality are two sides of the same coin. It is also my experience that while these two have the capacity to work together too often they do not. As I am beginning to see- Religion gives grounding to spirituality and Spirituality gives life/vitality to religion.

My Spiritual Journey

As I take time to reflect on my Spiritual journey it has become clear to me that my journey did not begin in earnest until my mid to late thirties. Before then I had spent three years in the army- just out of high school. I followed that portion of my life with college, marriage and a hand full of years in camping and youth ministry. During these years and over the course of my life, my "journey" was not really a journey at all. If it was a journey it was a well-worn path with little risks and only very ocassionally- glimpses of something more- glimpses of the Holy. This portion of my journey reflected more the religion of my family of origin and the United Methodist doctrine and discipline than anything I felt ownership of. The glimpses I mentioned earlier include: a visit to a Buddhist Temple while I was in the military over seas in South Korea, discussions with a Jewish friend late into the evening, Hearing the Muslim call to prayer recited by Muslim students at the beginning of Ramadan, Visiting an Indian burial mound as a child, Being introduced to the symbology and ritual that is observed in a Jewish Seder meal. At the age of 29, having gained vocational experience and proficiency in youth and family ministry, I enrolled in Divinity school to "gain" greater academic and denominational knowledge and training to pursue a ministerial vocation. At the same time I was assigned to three rural churches (serving as their minister) that would support my growing family as I studied.The demands, tensions, and exertions of school and ministry and a growing family served to first awaken in me a desire to journey deeper in my spiritual and religious life. As a Student pastor serving rural congregations I was diconnected from peer groups and geographically isolated. Even though I was a student and new pastor I did not have the opportunity to benefit from the experience of a mentor or group. These resouces were not available to ministers in that situation. This reality is a factor which fed my spiritual journey. Over the next eleven years I found it increasingly difficult to lead the congregations to which I was assigned. As minister to these congregations I was ordained to four specific tasks that I was expected to follow in my duties- they included Word (meaning scripture texts and denominational and christian teaching), Sacrament (Initiatory rituals of baptism and communion), Order ( meaning as clergy I would visit the sick, teach, administrate, and maintain fellowship with peers), and Service( meaning as leader of a congregation I would recruit, train, and equip members to do the work of the congregation). As I sought to keep this vow or covenant of ordination I met with resistance among a handful of the leadership of some congregations. In the midst of this my Journey intensified. Three years into my last congregational appointment I was growing steadily more depressed and discouraged as opposition to my leadership grew. Toward the end of that year I finally broke with the God Ideal of my parents and church and set about the task of discovering a God ideal that spoke to my deepest joys, suffering, and hope. As my Spiritual Journey took on this new dimension I continued to serve this congregation and lead them in worship and ministry.During this time I read a range of theology, authors ,and dug deeper into experiences of the Holy outside of my tradition. Throughout my life my keenest experiences of the Divine have been in contemplative practices and meditation experiences. My investigation led me to read more writings from Christian mystics and writings in Islam. I discovered G. I. Gurdjieff and PD Ospensky and the Fourth Way School. I explored writings in Native American philosphy. My Spiritual Journey was unfolding rapidly and it only increased my desire to learn more. In the late fall of 2005 I had begun to reach out to a handful of groups that led classes in some of the teachings mentioned above. As it turned out non of the groups were close enough for me to become an active participant. I began to feel again the geographical and situational isolation that was a hallmark of my early ministry. My Spiritual journey led me to contact the Sufi Order International and I located a class meeting within 2 hours of my home. The last two years in my congregational appointment saw me making regular trips to class meetings while continuing to serve as senior minister to two congregations. In the summer of 2006 I was initiated as a mureed in the Sufi Order International. Following my initiation I made a covenant with Salim Chishti to be my guide. In the fall of 2007 I was initiated into the Healing Order and ordained as a Healing Conductor. In the Summer of 2007 I left congregational ministry and have been serving as a Chaplain Resident at the VA in Murfreesboro TN. My challenge along this portion of my spiritual journey is to maintain my practices and their healing benefits (in my being) in order to provide healing for others as their chaplain.

"when did you start believing..."

This past Friday I had the opportunity to visit my folks. It had been some time since I had given my undivided and uninterrupted attention to my Mom and Dad. Before Friday, the last conversation I had with Mom was just over a month and half ago. While my Dad was undergoing an out patient procedure My sisiter and I kept Mom company. I intended to be a non-anxious presence for Mom and serve her any way I could while Dad was attended to by the medical staff.
Sometime during Dads recovery we all were at his bedside. Mom began to talk about what was going on at church - some training event led by a (Flavor of the month) nationally celebrated Pastor. Instead of listening attentively- I felt the need to engage in sarcasm and lend my sage advice and opinion in regard to this celebrated celeb. pastor. Anyway, we slid ever so quickly into a debate- at my Dads bedside! I was greatly embarrassed and cut off the rest of the conversation as it now focused not only on -The flavor of the month pastor but everything else including my spiritual journey and my practices in Sufism.
So, I felt the need to give closure to that conversation this past friday with a dinner and afternoon with my folks..
We lunched at a local resturant and then drove out to their house for Coffee and further conversation. Mom began by stating, so what is Siffism and when did you start believing it? Was it during Vanderbilt? Is it from that group you go to in Knoxville? Did they make you believe this stuff?
(As my head began to spin puzzling over where to start I- closed my eyes and laughed out loud) "No Mom, Dad its none of that. Its been a slow and evolving process. It has always been my tendency to search and explore to probe and dig for the truth. You both taught me that- You raised me where I felt freedom to do that regarding nearly everything in my life.
Probably this journey began sometime in my second appointment while I was going through that sour experience with the congregation. I discovered that the Holy was not held captive by anyone doctrine or dogma, group or church. This was a liberating expereince for me. I began to read writings from mystics in the Christian, Jewish and Muslim tradition and Buddhist traditions too. I read mystics like Thomas Merton, Hildegard of Bingin, Teresa Avila, Thich Nhat Hahn, Jalalladin Rumi, Hafiz and others. They were a breath of life and peace for me. To this day I find great comfort, eternal truth and divine inspiration in their writing. As I have studied deeper in the practices of Sufism I have learned more about myself and how I can help others to heal and transform their lives too. So, I guess you could say that is when I started believing.."